KAORU HITACHIIN: User Guide and Manual
by have-a-cookie
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own KAORU HITACHIIN unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your KAORU HITACHIIN unit as possible.


**KAORU HITACHIIN: User Guide and Manual**

**CONGRATULATIONS! **You have just purchased your very own KAORU HITACHIIN unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your KAORU HITACHIIN unit as possible.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Kaoru Hitachiin. He will also respond to "Little Devil" and "Kao-chan"

Age: 16

Place of Manufacture: Tokyo, Japan

Height: 175 cm

Weight: 59 kg

Length: Makes you wonder why he's portrayed as the uke

*Note: The KAORU HITACHIIN and HIKARU HITACHIIN units are completely identical but the best way to distinguish between the two units would be the parts in their hair. The KAORU HITACHIIN unit parts his hair to the right.

**Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit ****comes equipped with the following:**

One (1) Ouran Academy uniform

One (1) pumpkin mechanical pencil

One (1) box of blue hair dye

One (1) Kodak camera

One (1) expensive cell phone complete with friendship package that includes the numbers of the HIKARU HITACHIIN and HAURHI FUJIOKA units.

Three (3) bottles of maple syrup

One (1) box of various spices

One (1) bottle of eye drops

One (1) box of Band-Aids

**Programming**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is equipped with the following traits:

Host: Hosting is what your KAORU HITACHIIN unit was manufactured to do. As a host, your unit will charm unsuspecting ladies with his infamous twincest act where he will play the role of the lovable and meek uke. As such, fangirls of all ages will want to indulge themselves in watching him cry and plea with his seme.

*Note: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit can only work as a host with a HIKARU HITACHIIN unit by his side.

Counselor: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is surprisingly easy to talk to when not around any HIKARU HITACHIIN units. He always has a clear head and gives out great advice. If you need someone to tell your problems to or need to resolve an argument with someone, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will be able to help you.

Philosopher: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit enjoys thinking. He's very pensive about most issues surrounding his life and likes to create rhyme and reason for them. Let him mull issues over and soon enough you'll be taught by a thinker not unlike Aristotle. Feel free to share your viewpoints as well. Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is open to new ideas and thoughts. In fact, he often encourages them to try and completely understand a certain problem or situation.

Actor: After many years under the coaching of a TAMAKI SUOH unit, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is an unsurprisingly good actor, especially at weak and submissive roles. He can, however, play villains as well, it will just take a bit of coaxing (and lots of maple syrup). Let him do his thing while you play the role of manager and soon you'll be rolling in money and gifts from loving and adoring fans.

*Note: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will not, under any circumstance, portray a role in a porno. Don't even try to consider this option. If you fail to ignore this warning, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will be forcibly removed from your home either by our company or by an infuriated HIKARU HITACHIIN unit (who will leave on a fan service-like note and say that only he's allowed to touch his brother like that).

Fashion Designer: After being trained by his mother, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is very good as designing and putting together clothing. If you happen to be a walking faux pas, fear no more, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will assist you in becoming your town's next fashionista. Be warned that he's often brutally honest, though will try to pinpoint your better qualities to play off them more.

**Removal of your KAORU HITACHIIN unit from packaging**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit isn't a morning person, but even so he's quite kind when being woken up. We've included a few fail safe ways nonetheless however:

Method 1: The easiest way to remove your KAORU HITACHIIN unit from his packaging is to activate the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit. When the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit is activated he will go on a rampage to search for his younger brother and will tear open the box himself. Upon hearing the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit's voice, the KAORU HITACHIIN unit will instantly awaken and will begin to try and pacify his brother.

Method 2: Prepare a dish of Italian food, preferably something spicy. Place the meal near the box and wait for a few moments. Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will awaken and begin knocking on the box, asking for his food. Open the box and he will walk out calmly and eat what you've prepared.

Method 3: Pour some maple syrup over the box. Your unit will instantly awaken and try to break out of the box to get to it. Once out of the box, your unit will demand for his syrup (and some pancakes to go with it). After he's eaten, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will apologize for being so ill-mannered and will revert to his original factory settings.

Method 4: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit enjoys teasing TAMAKI SUOH units, so sacrificing one is a great way to activate your KAORU HITACHIIN unit. Simply place a (un)willing TAMAKI SUOH unit near the KAORU HITACHIIN unit's box and let him babble for a bit. Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will laugh and begin to mock your TAMAKI SUOH unit. As your TAMAKI SUOH unit retreats to his corner, the KAORU HITACHIIN unit will calmly leave his box and will look for a nearby HIKARU HITACHIIN unit to wreak havoc with.

**Reprogramming**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is reprogrammable with the following modes

_Mellow (default)_

_Mischievous (default)_

_Twincestuous_

_Selfless_

_Selfish (locked)_

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit comes preprogrammed in his _Mellow_ and _Mischievous _modes. In these modes your unit will often cause minor emotional (and sometimes physical) damage to units and humans around him, often because a HIKARU HITACHIIN unit is with him. He's often a bit calmer than his counterpart, and therefore more logical when it comes to life in general. Typically in these modes you, the user, will find it difficult to distinguish which twin is which when together, but it will be very easy to tell them apart when separated.

In _Twincestuous_, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit becomes a very clingy uke-like character around nearby HIKARU HITACHIIN units. This is normal. Often in this mode the two units will hug, kiss, and talk vaguely about what may or may not have really happened the night before. This is also normal behavior. To get your unit in this mode, either tell him it's hosting hours, or leave him alone with a HIKARU HITACHIIN unit for an extended period of time. To get your unit out of this mode, either tell him hosting hours are over, or separate him from his counterpart unit for about five to ten minutes.

In _Selfless_, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will act for others as opposed to himself. He will often think of what's best for the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit, or what will make that unit the happiest. Also in _Selfless_, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will become quieter and more introverted than usual and will essentially become a door mat for other units. It's not so much your unit wants to become a push over, he just wants to see as many people happy as possible, even if that means being unhappy himself. He's very noble in _Selfless_ and is often much more willing to talk to others, especially a MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit, about his feelings. To get your unit into _Selfless_, simply allow for HIKARU HITACHIIN and HARUHI FUJIOKA units to bond. To get your unit out of _Selfless_ is impossible thus far. You simply have to wait for the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit's heart to get broken or wait for the KAORU HITACHIIN unit to find something (or someone) else that piques his interest.

_Selfish_ is the complete opposite of _Selfless_. In this mode, your unit will refuse to bend over backwards to make others happy, he is caring only for himself. Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit often becomes a bit of a yandere in _Selfish_, if only because he believes that possessively holding on to whomever it happens to be is the only way he won't lose them forever. Often in _Selfish_ your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will refuse to let the object of his affection be with anyone that isn't him. He'll kick and scream and act as childish as an upset HIKARU HITACHIIN unit. Sometimes your unit will calm down a bit in _Selfish_ and will simply start thinking of his own happiness in a non-creepy-and-possessive way, but it's very rare. If you still, for whatever reason, want to trigger this mode, feed him stories about how it's always about Hikaru, and never him. Always about Haruhi, but never him. Always about Tamaki, but never him. Continue to do this for a while and your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will snap. To get your unit out of _Selfish_, simply do the reverse – tell him how he shouldn't act so brashly, that he's being a child and that yes, his wants are important but it's not always about him, or Haruhi, or even Hikaru for that matter. From there he'll revert to _Selfless_ and you can try and coax him into pursuing other people.

*Note: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit has been shown to gravitate towards possessiveness over HIKARU HITACHIIN and HAURHI FUJIOKA units most often. He also has a tendency to become possessive over his owner, the user, meaning you. It's recommended that if this particular mode happens to trigger that you all go into hiding.

**Relationships with Other Units**

HIKARU HITACHIIN: The HIKARU HITACHIIN unit is your KAORU HITACHIIN unit's other half. They should be bought as a pair so that one will not be without the other

. It's not impossible to separate the two HITACHIIN units, but it is very hard to do so without any emotional trauma from either party. They share a certain bond that only twins will be able to understand, so please do not, under any circumstance, try to separate them. The only time that these two units will be seen separately is during the HIKARU HITACCHIN unit's identity crisis when the twins fight to be themselves. Besides that, it's very unlikely you will see one without the other.

*Note: For all you sick perverts, yes, romance is possible between the two units. However, it's going to be a very slow progression and cannot happen if there are any other units present. If there are, the most you can achieve between the two brother units is a very strong bromance and special twin connection. If there are not well…we hope for your sake that you happen to be very kinky.

HARUHI FUJIOKA: The HARUHI FUJIOKA unit is very special to the KAORU HITACHIIN unit. He loves her so much as to step aside to allow for her happiness, as he knows it's unlikely to be him. The two share a sort of bond, created by the fact that the HAURHI FUJIOKA unit can always tell which one is the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit and which one is the KAORU HITACHIIN unit. The easy going nature of both the units causes a special sort of friendship that is hard to sever.

*Note: Romance is possible unless there is a TAMAKI SUOH unit nearby. It will be harder to achieve a romance between the HAURHI FUJIOKA unit and the KAORU HITACHIIN units, but it can happen if you leave them alone for long periods of time.

MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA: When your KAORU HITACHIIN and HIKARU HITACHIIN units happen to argue, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will go to the MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit for advice and refuge. Often times, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit will regress and become abnormally quiet, but don't worry – your MITSUKUNI HANINOZUKA unit is very perceptive and will likely understand what is wrong and how to help him. The two units share an odd friendship, but it's touching to say the least.

YUZUHA HITACHIIN: Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit loves his mother very much, and he strives to follow in her footsteps and take over the family fashion business. While YUZUHA HITACHIIN unit pretends not to know which twin is which (a twisted game she likes to play), in reality – she does. The HIKARU HITACHIIN unit doesn't realize this, but your KAORU HITACHIIN unit does, which is why he often gets along better with the YUZUHA HITACHIIN unit than the HIKARU HITACHIIN unit does.

**Cleaning**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself and is much more proper than his older brother, so he will refuse to bathe with anyone, even a HIKARU HITACHIIN unit.

**Feeding**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit is partial to Italian food, spicy food, and maple syrup. However, he will eat anything you give him and he won't be too picky about what he is served.

**Rest**

Your KAORU HITACHIIN unit has no troubles going to bed or waking up, but likes to share a bed with a HIKARU HITACHIIN unit. While it isn't impossible for your KAORU HITACHIIN unit to sleep without his counterpart, it is very difficult for him to do so.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q. Why all the maple syrup?

A. We aren't sure either. We suppose that it just happens to be a quirk your unit has.

Q. Why is Kaoru muttering about pumpkins?

A. Likely, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit thinks that his family is breaking apart. He often compares the host club to a Cinderella-like story, and thinks that once people start moving on, everything will fall apart on him. Really, what he needs right now is a hug.

Q. Does Kaoru like sleeping on the ground?

A. No. The HIKARU HITACHIIN unit is a bed hog and probably pushed your KAORU HITACHIIN unit out. It's normal, so don't worry too much.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: My unit keeps insisting he's Hikaru!

Solution: It's likely if your unit insists he's Hikaru, he probably messed up the part in his hair. If the unit is alone, listen to his voice. All KAORU HITACHIIN units have a higher voice than the HIKARU HITACHIIN units. If your unit is with his other half, grab a nearby HAURHI FUJIOKA unit; she'll know which is which.

Problem: When I opened the box Kaoru wasn't there – but a little girl in a blue dress with blue hair was!

Solution: Whoops! It seems we have sent you a chibi!Kaoru. His mother enjoyed dressing him up as a girl when he was younger, which explains the dress. As a child, your KAORU HITACHIIN unit loved stirring up trouble, had a terrible temper, and acted very spoilt. If you received a chibi!Kaoru prior to the burglar-nanny, he will be amiable and much more like a normal child. If you received a chibi!Kaoru after the burglar-nanny, he will refuse to trust you and will likely become your worst nightmare. We don't blame you if you want to send him back.

**End Notes**

Out of the two twins, you've picked the one who will likely be the better companion for you over time. With lots of love (and a bit of ego-boosting) you and your unit will share a lifelong friendship with one another. Good luck!

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><p><strong>New poll up ^_^ please vote for next unit!<strong>


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